As a mom of two (15 and 20), I did something radical: I went on strike. Not the “spa weekend” kind of break. I fully stopped managing my family’s daily life—no more reminders, planning, or emotional labor. I’d spent years instructing, explaining, remodeling systems, and begging for cooperation. I wasn’t asking for perfection. I just wanted basic safety—like clear walkways so no one broke a neck.
So, I stopped. And here’s what happened.
Step 1: Set Boundaries You Can Actually Keep
For a year, I’d been designing a home that “teaches people where to put their things.” With help from a contractor (and fellow mom), I learned two truths:
- Your space teaches people what to do.
- You deserve to live without chaos and clutter.
Thanks, Kayla from Your Easy Home Renovation, for that wisdom.
My mom always said, “No punishment should be harder on the parent,” so I knew this parenting strike had to be sustainable. I chose key areas to let go of—ones that would protect my peace and help my kids grow.
The Dog Test: A Boundary in Action
Years ago, my family begged for a dog. I made it crystal clear:
“I will love her, but I won’t walk, feed, or clean up after her. If no one else does it, I will rehome her.”
Cue the judgment from mom-friends. Cruel? Maybe. But effective? Absolutely. The dog is thriving because I held that boundary. Lesson: boundaries teach responsibility, even when they make others uncomfortable.
Pro Tip: If your family wants a pet, create a care contract before the animal arrives—complete with consequences.
What My “Mom Strike” Actually Looked Like
🧺 1. I Stopped Doing Laundry
I stopped washing anyone’s clothes but my own. If wrinkled clothes piled up? Not my problem. Yes, I’m a white woman with enough privilege that my kids showing up in less-than-perfect outfits had minimal consequences. That’s its own issue. But this was about shifting responsibility.
🥾 2. I Threw Out Stuff Left Out
Shoes on the floor? Warned, then hidden. Random junk? Donated. This wasn’t wasteful—it was a parenting strategy to teach accountability.
🥘 3. I Made Food Only for Myself
This was the hardest part. I didn’t want my kids living on chips, but I refused to manage meals for everyone. My husband had to step in—and fast. For more on healthy feeding dynamics, I recommend Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding.
🗓️ 4. I Stopped Being the Social Director
No more organizing outings, events, or family hangouts. Instead, I made plans for myself—and felt more emotionally alive than I had in years.
❓ 5. I Redirected Every Request
Whenever my kids asked for something, I replied: “Please ask your dad. I’m on vacation from motherhood.” This wasn’t a real vacation—it was a social experiment to highlight the emotional labor I was silently shouldering.
What Happened Next: Reactions and Realizations
My 15-year-old son said:
“I want to be a partner who doesn’t have to be asked to do things. I want to be aware of what’s going on in my house because not being aware harms people.”
Cue the tears. That’s the power of letting chaos do the teaching.
Parenting Lessons from the Strike
💸 Plan Economically
I outsourced what I could (like laundry drop-off), which isn’t an option for everyone. I recognize my financial privilege, and I stay mindful of the systems that benefit me more than others.
✅ Enforceable Boundaries Only
Empty threats don’t teach anything. Follow-through builds trust and models emotional consistency. As my mom said: “Whatever you say you’re going to do, you have to do.”
🧠 Teach People How to Treat You
I hadn’t taught my family how I wanted to be treated. I was complicit in a broken system because it felt easier. A strike was painful—but necessary—for realignment.
Shoutout to my therapist BFF, whose radical social analysis (Hampshire College 90s grad, of course) helped me unlearn some of my elitist feminist assumptions.
The Big Shift: From “Helping” to “Participating”
The goal is not for your family to help you. It’s for them to participate in the emotional and logistical work of running a home.
There’s a big difference.
Final Thoughts: No More Free Labor
This parenting strike taught me that I don’t have to be my family’s default manager. I’m done with being free labor. The strike might be over, but the shift in mindset is permanent.
Parenting through emotional labor doesn’t work. Teaching through boundaries does.
Sometimes, the best way to lead… is to stop.
