Before We Begin: Why We’re Sharing This
School may have just let out, but many of you are already looking ahead. Maybe there’s still a backpack at the bottom of the stairs or crumpled permission slips under the car seat, but the questions are creeping in:
- Will they be ready for middle school, high school, or college?
- What does support even look like if no one’s there to remind them to pack a lunch or check the portal?
- How will they manage the shift without burning out?
Whether your student is heading into a new school transition or staying home trying to find where they last left their planner, you’re not alone in wondering: Are they ready?
Even if your student isn’t part of our Executive Functioning Coaching Cohort, we want you to benefit from what we’re teaching. That’s why, over the next eight weeks, we’re sharing parts of our curriculum with our broader community.
These posts aren’t quick tips. They’re science-informed, honest, and grounded in compassion. If you’ve ever watched your teen stall out and thought, They’re so smart. Why can’t they just start? — this series is for you.
Not Laziness, Just a Missing Map: Understanding Executive Functioning
Your teen can memorize TikToks but forgets to log into their email. They used to forget their lunchbox. Now they forget deadlines. What you’re seeing is often a delay in executive functioning, not defiance, laziness, or a character flaw.
Executive functioning (EF) is a set of brain-based skills that help us plan, organize, start, persist, and manage emotions. These skills don’t develop overnight, and they certainly don’t mature just because someone turns 18.
What Is Executive Functioning in Teens?
EF lives in the brain’s prefrontal cortex and includes:
- Working memory – holding and using information
- Cognitive flexibility – shifting focus and adapting
- Inhibitory control – managing impulses and emotions
- Planning and prioritizing – knowing what to do first and how long it’ll take
- Initiation and follow-through – starting without panic, finishing without collapse
These skills mature slowly, often well into the mid-20s. In brains impacted by ADHD, anxiety, trauma, or chronic stress, the timeline may be even more uneven.
Neurodivergent Teens Need a Different Lens
For students with ADHD, autism, or learning differences, the executive functioning road is bumpier. They may know what needs to be done but can’t start without support. What looks like “just write the paper” to a neurotypical brain feels like “climb a mountain without gear” to theirs.
Add anxiety or trauma, and the amygdala starts sending false alarms. The task isn’t just hard. It feels unsafe.
“It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that everything feels like climbing a wall, and I never remember where I put the ladder.”
How Parents Can Support Executive Functioning at Home
EF is not about IQ. A brilliant student can still drown in missed assignments. The real difference-maker? Structure.
According to Dawson & Guare (2018), scaffolding, not smarts, is what builds independence. These kids aren’t unmotivated. They’re navigating a world that asks them to self-manage with tools they haven’t been handed.
This Week: Try One of These
- Validate effort, not outcome
- Model your own system, imperfections and all
- Body double – sit nearby as calm support
- Break tasks into visible steps
- Acknowledge the emotional layer when they freeze
Executive Functioning and Mental Health Are Connected
EF isn’t just about school. It’s deeply tied to mental health. Students with poor EF are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and substance misuse. But when they understand their brains and have tools that work, they thrive.
That’s why summer—when pressure is lower—is an ideal time to build these skills.
What Executive Functioning Struggles Don’t Mean
Executive functioning doesn’t define your teen’s worth. It’s not a moral scorecard or a predictor of future success. It’s a skill set—one they can learn, and so can you.
So many young people carry shame for skills no one ever taught them. They internalize failure. They assume they’re broken. This blog series is here to interrupt that story.
We’ll unpack:
- Procrastination
- Perfectionism
- Time blindness
- Emotional dysregulation
And we’ll give you real tools to help—because your teen deserves more than blame. They deserve a map. And so do you.
Parenting with Presence: A Mindfulness Moment
Before you click away or start making a to-do list, pause.
Breathe in through your nose. Hold.
Exhale slowly through your mouth.
Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.
You’re not behind. You didn’t miss the one magic parenting trick. You’re here. You’re reading. You care. That matters more than any planner or perfect schedule ever could.
You don’t need to be the map. Just someone who walks with them to find the trailhead.
Journal Prompts for Parents Supporting Executive Functioning
- What’s one moment this week that showed your child is still growing?
- What’s the first emotion that comes up when you think about your child’s EF struggles?
- What were you like at their age? What helped or hurt?
- What’s something your child is great at that has nothing to do with school?
- What does “support” look like in your family right now?
- What story are you telling yourself about their future? Is it helping, or hurting?
- What does your nervous system need this week?
- What if your only job was to be the safe base, not the solution?
Now Enrolling: Executive Functioning Coaching Cohorts
Our executive functioning coaching groups are launching soon for middle school, high school, and college students. Each group is co-led by an experienced educator and a licensed mental health professional—because school struggles and emotional well-being go hand in hand.
