The Conversation That Sparked It All
This story begins with my friend Sarah—a passionate educator, fierce advocate, and loving mom—having a totally normal chat with her mother about the weather. That is, until her mom casually said:
“When I talk about Jamie, I only ever say he’s on the spectrum. I don’t use the A word.”
Why? Because she doesn’t want people to feel uncomfortable.
Let’s pause. Not for Sarah’s mom—but for every parent, caregiver, or educator who’s ever been told to downplay the truth to keep others comfortable.
The Rose: Owning the Word “Autistic” with Pride
Sarah handled it with grace—because she always does. She gently but firmly reminded her mom:
“Jamie is autistic.”
Not on the spectrum. Not with autism. Just autistic.
Sarah explained that for Jamie, autism is not a burden—it’s a core part of his identity. It’s how he experiences the world. It deserves to be named, respected, and even celebrated. His diagnosis isn’t a label to hide; it’s a lens that helps others understand him better.
The Thorn: When Avoidance Equals Shame
Here’s what made this conversation so frustrating: Sarah’s mom wasn’t avoiding the word “autistic” to protect Jamie. She was doing it to protect other people’s feelings.
Let that sink in. The comfort of strangers was more important than her own grandson’s identity being acknowledged.
That tells a harmful story: that autism is something to whisper about, tiptoe around, or repackage in more “palatable” terms. And honestly? That’s not just outdated—it’s damaging.
Why Language Matters in Autism Advocacy
Avoiding the word “autistic” doesn’t make things easier—it reinforces ableism, shame, and the idea that there’s something wrong with neurodivergence.
When we don’t say the word, we imply:
- That autism is shameful
- That kids like Jamie should be softened or hidden
- That adults’ discomfort is more important than children’s dignity
But Jamie doesn’t feel ashamed. He’s proudly autistic. He’s funny, tech-savvy, curious—and his autism is not a secret.
Educational Advocacy Means Telling the Truth
As a mental health practice that supports both neurodiverse families and education advocacy, we see how this plays out in school systems all the time:
- IEP meetings that dance around the diagnosis
- Educators using euphemisms instead of direct language
- Families being advised to “not mention it unless necessary”
But sugarcoating doesn’t serve anyone—especially not the child. Advocacy means clarity. It means using honest, respectful, and affirming language.
Kindness Over Niceness in Special Education
Sarah said something I won’t forget:
“Nice is not the goal. Kindness is.”
Let’s be clear:
- Nice avoids using the word “autistic” to keep things comfortable.
- Kind says the word confidently and helps others rise to it.
- Nice avoids conflict.
- Kindness pushes growth.
Why This Matters for Parents, Educators, and Allies
If we want autistic kids to grow up with confidence and pride, we need to stop shrinking their identities to protect others.
Your child isn’t a secret. Their diagnosis isn’t a problem. It’s part of who they are—and they deserve to hear it spoken with love and without hesitation.
The Bottom Line: Say the Word. Say It Proudly.
This isn’t just about words—it’s about honoring identity, challenging stigma, and creating a world where neurodiverse children feel seen, celebrated, and supported.
So here’s to Sarah—mother, educator, and relentless truth-teller. And here’s to Jamie, who wears the word “autistic” like a badge of honor.
If others can’t handle it? That’s on them.
If You Need Support with Special Education or Autism Advocacy, We’re Here to Help
Whether you’re navigating an IEP, struggling with school communication, or simply need a space to unpack your parenting journey, our therapists and advocates are here for you.
Contact us for a consultation or learn more about our special education services.
