Let’s Start with This: “Get it together” is not a goal.
How many times have you said, gently or not, “You just need to get organized”? Or “Set a goal for the semester”? And how many times has that landed like a lead balloon—or worse, lit a fuse?
Here’s the thing: if it were that simple, your kid would already be doing it. “Try harder” has never been a developmental strategy. Most teens, especially those with ADHD, anxiety, or executive functioning challenges, aren’t defiant. They’re overwhelmed. They need structure, not shame.
And no—color-coded planners don’t fix this.
But SMART goals might help.
What’s a SMART Goal—Really?
You’ve probably heard the acronym a hundred times, but let’s break it down with purpose:
- Specific – What exactly do you want to accomplish?
- Measurable – How will you know you did it?
- Achievable – Is it realistic right now—not your idealized, 2 a.m. self?
- Relevant – Does it actually matter to you?
- Time-bound – When will you start, and when is it done?
Originally introduced in business management (Doran, 1981) and adapted extensively in educational psychology (Schunk, 2009), SMART goals are more than corporate jargon—they’re brain-aligned. They engage core executive skills: planning, prioritization, initiation, time estimation, and follow-through (Zelazo et al., 2016).
And unlike vague intentions (“do better,” “stop procrastinating”), SMART goals require your brain to pause, choose, and commit—three actions students with underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes often avoid unless prompted (Diamond, 2013).
The Trap of Perfectionism
Most teens avoid goal setting not because they don’t care—but because they care too much. For neurodivergent students, high internal standards and fear of failure can turn even small tasks into psychological landmines.
Research confirms this: students with perfectionistic tendencies often exhibit increased procrastination, academic burnout, and anxiety (Stoeber & Otto, 2006). If a task feels too big or ambiguous, the brain interprets it as a threat. And when the amygdala is fired up, the prefrontal cortex—the home of logic and planning—goes offline (Arnsten, 2009).
This is why we aim for scaffolding, not pressure. At home, I model this with my college-age daughter. We sit down with the day’s demands and sort them: what has to happen, what would be nice, and what doesn’t matter today. Then we assume everything will take twice as long as she thinks it will—and that’s okay.
This isn’t lowering the bar. It’s learning to accept what is.
Real Life, Real Goals
Let’s trade lofty ideals for grounded wins.
- “Get better at math”
“Spend 15 minutes on Khan Academy every Monday/Wednesday reviewing class content I didn’t understand.” - “Write my college essay”
“Brainstorm three possible topics and talk them through with someone by Friday.” - “Be healthier”
“Prep lunch the night before on school nights.”
Momentum, not monuments. Progress that feels achievable, not oppressive.
What You Can Try This Week
Let Them Choose the Goal
If it’s “keep my room clean for 3 days,” great. Executive functioning lives there too.
Make It SMART Together
Use a whiteboard, sticky notes, or a shared digital doc. Keep it visual and flexible.
Celebrate Process, Not Perfection
“You showed up” or “You followed through” matters more than a letter grade. These are the neural pathways we’re trying to build.
College and High School Wellness Addendum
Students don’t enter college or high school with blank slates. They carry forward whatever executive functioning systems—or gaps—they already had. And without intentional goal-setting, many struggle.
Research shows that clear, realistic goal-setting improves both academic performance and emotional resilience in students, especially those with ADHD and mood disorders (Lynch et al., 2021; Locke & Latham, 2002).
A well-crafted goal creates an internal sense of agency. It changes the narrative from I’m falling behind to I’m building something.
For students with ADHD, this is vital. As Dr. Thomas Brown writes in Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults (2005), ADHD often isn’t about attention at all—it’s about difficulty activating, sustaining, and organizing action. SMART goals offer structure to bridge that gap.
Final Word: Clarity as Compassion
Goal setting isn’t about rigid checklists. It’s about helping the brain learn how to choose, plan, regroup, and recover. And when we give our teens and college students the tools to make goals SMART—and achievable—we’re not just building habits.
We’re building self-trust.
High school students need this scaffolding just as urgently as their older siblings. They are navigating transitions, managing internal and external expectations, and often doing so with brains still learning how to sequence, prioritize, and self-regulate. The earlier we teach them how to break goals into steps, the more resilient they become.
And for college students—especially those adjusting to life without parent prompts, school bells, or visible deadlines—SMART goals become the scaffolding for self-leadership. The clarity, structure, and feedback loops these goals create can offer stability when everything else feels like too much.
So let’s stop pretending willpower is the answer.
Let’s start teaching strategy.
Because one day, they won’t just set goals.
They’ll know how to reach them.